Becoming a parent for the very first time is a monumental step to take. You bring a new life into the world and you want to do your very best for them, of course! But you’re also suddenly expected to know exactly what to do and how to cope – now that’s just not fair. You’ve got at least 18 years of parenting to go and that can be a scary thought when you’ve got a newborn in your arms!
After all, being a parent often comes with very little previous experience, and it’s important to be able to ask for help when you really need it. From friends and family who are parents, from your own parents who are excited to be grandparents, and even just from a few strangers online who are looking for the same answers you are – all of these people can support you. You just need to know how to reach out; here are some tips for doing so.
Remember, No New Parent Has it All Figured Out!
This is the biggest thing to keep in mind right now. You’re a new parent, and you’ve got a little life unlike any other to take care of – you don’t have to have it all figured out! There’s no such thing as a ‘perfect parent’, and you should never try to be one. You’re doing just fine as you are, and even if you need some help, that doesn’t suddenly tip the scales into bad territory.
New parents have a lot on their plate. You’ve got to get your baby through the early months of development, keep an eye out for milestones, worry over little things that could be a sign something is wrong – it’s all a huge panic really! And you should give yourself a break because of that. You don’t need to feel guilty about handing your baby over to someone else every now and then; take this chance to rest up and get your wits about you. And if there’s help on offer, happily accept it!
Set Firm Boundaries
Who you ask for help will very much determine the kind of help you’re going to get. Grandparents, for example, can be absolutely wonderful with the amount of pressure they take off your shoulders. They take to babysitting naturally, and do wonderful things for your own sleep cycle! All in all, you’re incredibly thankful for them being there, and you want to encourage bonding between them and their grandchild.
But at the same time, it’s hard for your own parents to let go of their parenting habits. And if you’re trying to raise your child in a different way, there could be a clash there. As such, even if you reach out and specifically ask for help, don’t be afraid to set some boundaries. Let people know what is and isn’t OK outright, and never make them guess. Be upfront and open about your expectations; just because someone is helping doesn’t mean you owe them the world!
Make Full Use of Your Registry
Whether you have a baby shower or not, you can get yourself a baby registry checklist together and ask your nearest and dearest to pitch in. This is a good way to stretch your budget as far as possible; financial help is one of the most effective at a time like this. Put the items that would make having a baby more convenient on this list, but try to keep the absolute essentials off. It would be nice to own these things, but you don’t technically need them and would simply appreciate the gift!
Try not to feel bad that you’re asking for some potentially expensive items here. It’s totally up to the guests that come along to your shower what they actually get you, and these are just supplementary items at the end of the day. Throw down any kind of suggestion you think you might even slightly want and then thin things down from there.
Delegate Specific Tasks Out to You and Your Partner
You and your partner can feel like you’re up against the world here, so it’s best to sit down ahead of time and talk about what parenting will be like. Splitting tasks up equally can help to reduce the load either of you can feel a few months down the line. Even if you just make a list and assign a job out one by one, you’ll be doing some good for your future, exhausted selves!
Of course, anything to do with the baby is interchangeable; sometimes you’ll need to change their diaper, other times it’ll be your partner. But household tasks like taking the trash out or loading the dishwasher can be set out specifically right now. One person does one thing, one person does another, and bit by bit the house looks neat and tidy again – simple!
Get Online and Talk to Other New Parents
You’re not the only new parent in the world – you’re probably not even the only new parent in the neighborhood! As such, you should get online and sign up to some parenting groups across social media. Sure, the advice you can receive here can be taken with a grain of salt, but you can make some genuine connections that’ll last a lifetime.
You can get support from people who might have even given birth on the same day as you, so you can actually live out your babys’ first few months together! Just talking to other people who truly understand and living the same way you do goes a long way to removing that sense of isolation new parents can get. Support is out there, you’ve just got to find it.
Being a new parent is hard, and you should never feel bad for needing help. Take some time to delegate the load out, talk to people in the same boat, and remind yourself that seeking support is totally normal. It takes a village, after