Everyone knows that trust is very hard to built, but very easy to lose. For this reason, it’s important to make sure we take other people’s trust very sincerely. Being trusted by someone or even something you love, such as a pet, is a heartfelt privilege worth protecting.
However, it’s also true that how we conduct ourselves in general, not just on a person-by-person basis, can determine how trustworthy we are. Moreover, there are many reasons as to why being trusted is so important.
If you’re trusted by family and friends, they’ll share insights with you, ask you for favors or will be happy to repay them in kind. They’ll love having you around, and entrust you with important information or duties. If you’re trusted at work, you may be given more responsibility you’re ultimately paid more to take care of, you may be given creative control of a project, or you may be listened to.
The world runs on trust, because without it, nothing would get done and no relationships could truly build. Thankfully, we don’t live in a world like that, and so it’s good to consider exactly how your behaviors translate to your trustworthiness, and how to make connecting with you a no-brainer.
Don’t Gossip About People
Let’s face it – gossiping about people, events or secrets can be fun. It feels good to share spicy knowledge with someone who is receptive to it, and it can even be quite funny. That said, gossiping and sharing secrets, while allowing that short-term reward, can damage how you’re perceived.
For instance, if you’re nice to someone face-to-face but gossip behind their back, people will notice that you seem to have two faces, and you can see that in other people as well. Moreover, sharing details someone may have given to you in confidence is a betrayal of that trust, and tells others not to share information like that with you.
It’s much easier to trust someone who doesn’t engage in gossip. No matter if that’s in the workplace, at home, or even the person who cuts your hair, it’s easy to feel cleaner, better, and more comfortable in yourself if you don’t feel necessary to badmouth people, to make fun of them, or to share details only you’ve been privy to.
Note that this is different to sharing details with your partner, for example, about a life event that relates to both of you. If your child tells you something in secret, you’ll probably share that with their other parent to make sure you can agree on a course of action. However, gossip, fun, and denigrative speech is never helpful, even if we think we can get away with it. If we do it to others, we only validate others doing that to us.
Focused Listening Is Important
Listening is a real skill, and it does count. When people notice you’re listening to them, the see that you hold them in some kind of estimation because your time is being invested in what they have to communicate.
But it’s not just the act of listening, but also how you listen that counts. It can be very tempting to interject with a course of suggested action when being told of a problem, or not letting someone else speak before you vent your frustration with their concern. At the very least, allowing your friend to talk through their issue and perspective can make you a better listener.
Moreover, it’s important to remember that you don’t have to validate everything anyone says to be a good listener. If you do that, some may think you’re just trying to be agreeable – which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it may show you’re masking your authentic responses.
If someone knows you’re there to listen, no matter what, they’re more likely to talk to you. This can be very healthy for those such as children who may need to tell you about issues they’re experiencing. That might include concerns with bullies at school, a difficult teacher, or even identity issues such as struggling with their sexual orientation. When you’re a good, respectful listener, you’d be surprised how quickly and deeply people open up to you.
Don’t Take Yourself So Seriously
The hardest person in the world to trust is the person who wants to brag or is always defensive even about things that wouldn’t matter, or who takes themselves seriously. It’s easy to feel as though you’re just a tool to people like that, especially if they can’t laugh at themselves.
As such, don’t take yourself so seriously. It’s good to be open about your flaws or struggles (without having to put everything you think out there, of course), to laugh at mistakes you make while trying to improve them, and not condemn yourself over the smallest issue.
Those with a jovial outlook tend to be much easier to trust, because you know there’s no duplicitous artificiality about them. These people make you feel safe. With a little practice, you may be able to nurture those parts of your personality as well, if only in the spirit of good companionship.
Don’t Offer Help If You Don’t Mean It
It’s very easy to offer support or lip service towards the idea of support because it’s often the nice thing to do socially. However, seeking credit for putting yourself out there, and actually putting yourself out there are two different things entirely.
For example, it might be that a friend needs somewhere to stay. Perhaps you think they need better help than you can provide, but instead of disagreeing with their request to stay with you, you allow them. This might lead them to act in the exact way you had predicted, which may make you feel bitter and annoyed. This will inevitably bubble over into conflict or disagreement, which could have been avoided if you declined the request.
Note that this is a specific example that may never apply to you, but rather it shows that sometimes, to be the most authentic, trustworthy person you can be, being disagreeable is not necessarily a bad thing.
Of course, the reverse is true here, too. If you do mean to help, you can go all the way, and really dedicate yourself. That might involve using an Elder Law attorney to combat the mistreatment of a relative in care, defending your child from the mistreatment of a teacher, or allowing a friend who is really trying to get back on their feet the benefit of the doubt, helping them as you can. When people know your aid comes due to authentic concern and care, it means so much more.
Speak The Truth As You Know It
Of course, you can’t be trustworthy without speaking the truth. That doesn’t mean that white lies aren’t appropriate from time to time. If your friend’s new haircut doesn’t suit them at all in your view, it’s nice to support them and help them feel validated, because putting them down for something they enjoy isn’t the same thing as virtue. A compliment doesn’t have to be merit-based with a scientific thesis behind it, it can simply be given to uplift and support someone you care about.
However, with that disclaimer, speaking the truth as you know it is important. You can always refuse to comment after all. When you aim to be more than truthful, you don’t have to remember lies that you’ve told which could even stretch back years. You’ll be consistent all by yourself. Ultimately, the truth is always revealed no matter what, and if you’re aligned with it, well, that helps others trust you.
Be Truthful With Yourself
It’s hard to be a trustworthy person if you’re under illusions that you’re actively telling yourself. That’s why it’s good to be careful about the self-talk you have. If you can be authentic with your perspective on the world, even if you’re mistaken, you’ll be honest.
This also means not forcing yourself to like people you aren’t a fan of. It means not pretending your music or movie tastes are different to what they are – who cares if you like pulpy books about vampire romances most of all, that has more life than forcing yourself to read translated classical literature you really dislike going through, even if it does make you feel more cultured.
Being truthful with yourself doesn’t mean you’ll never improve, change your opinion, or make yourself uncomfortable. It just means that you know who you are, and that allows you to be more authentic.
To conclude, becoming a trustworthy person is not a test to pass, but the work of a lifetime. You won’t be perfect in everything you do, and not everyone in the world will trust you. However, if you stick by these principles, then more people in your personal life will trust you and be thankful for your presence. As such, they’re more likely to act in this way before you.
Ultimately, you have to prove you can be trusted, day after day. That means taking on this responsibility with sincerity, and not taking trust for granted. If you can do that, we’re absolutely certain you will not only be trusted by others, but you will feel more trusting, and even trust yourself, too.
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