A child’s early experiences with substance misuse can have a way of influencing their outlook later on. The well-supported family systems and attachment theory of substance use disorder (SUD) suggests that children who live in households where a parent or other authority figure misuses substances are more at risk of developing a SUD, a pattern that holds true for many SUD cases.
You might be tempted to simply keep quiet or let the child sort things out on their own. However, this does nothing to help your child work through their confusion and trauma.
If you need to discuss a family member’s SUD with a child, here are a few pointers to keep in mind. If you’re interested in evidence-based SUD treatments for yourself or another family member, check out this resource on SMART Recovery in Boston.
Do plenty of research
It will be difficult to break SUD down for your child if you, yourself, don’t understand what’s going on. Even if you’re the one with the substance problem, there may be a lot going on that you don’t yet understand. Taking the time to look at recent, well-vetted articles from good sources can help you get a better handle on the specifics behind the condition.
Consult a psychiatrist
If you believe you have a problem with drugs or alcohol, this should be your first step. If there is another family member you’re concerned about, seeing a psychiatrist may help you deal with the potential trauma of seeing a loved one struggle with substance misuse. They should also be able to offer expert advice on how you can explain SUD to your child, given your specific situation. They should also be able to recommend whether your child needs to see a specialized mental health expert.
Don’t expect them to understand right away
SUD is an extremely complex condition with genetic, social, and economic roots, to name a few. Many adults have a hard time wrapping their heads around the idea of SUD as a mental health issue, so even children may struggle with the idea at first. They may not understand that the parent’s SUD-influenced behavior is not simply an issue of them not loving others enough.
Thankfully, most children are quite open-minded compared to many adults. So long as you try your best to be consistent and open as well, chances are they will eventually understand.
Explain things in an age-appropriate way
Because SUD is so complex, it does not always lend itself to a simple explanation. Additionally, there might be some information specific to your family’s case that your child might not be prepared to handle.
You can try to draw on your own experiences from when you were a child their age to try to see things from their perspective. From there you can work out how to approach the topic.
To make things simpler for younger children, it may be useful to use analogies with physical health. For instance, you can say “sometimes, a person’s mind can get sick too. But they can get better.”
Reassure them that it’s not their fault
Children in households with SUD-affected individuals will often question their worth, especially if it’s one or both parents who are affected. The actions of people with substance use issues may be difficult for them to understand, and they may interpret it as their fault.
Regardless if it’s you or another family member who has issues with substance misuse, it’s important to reemphasize that they are loved. Explain that SUD is a disease that makes it difficult to do the right things and that the person with the disease needs to see a doctor.
Be open to more conversations
As uncomfortable as it is, you’ll need to be ready for more conversations about this, possibly over the next few years or more. You’ll want to be able to address your child’s questions honestly so that they will be more willing to talk and listen. This will also keep them from piecing things together the wrong way.
Explain as much as you can when they’re older
If and when your child is old enough, you should tell them the whole truth. The right age differs, depending on how precocious your child is. Middle school age is usually a good time to share everything that could be shared about SUD in the family.
Conclusion
SUD and other mental illnesses are traumatizing for family members to witness. Children can be especially affected, as they might have difficulty understanding why someone who should care for them acts like they don’t love them.
When this trauma and confusion is left unaddressed, it may lead to all kinds of unseen mental health issues even if the child seems fine on the surface. This makes it important for parents or guardians to learn how to explain SUD to their kids, preferably even before such problems become obvious.
If you suspect that you or someone else in your family has a SUD or other mental health issue, please get in touch with a qualified mental health professional. Good luck, and be well!
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